Like every other ‘tween and teen of the 90s, I was absolutely certain that the mall was the best place in the world. Shopping plus the chance of bumping into the boy you’ve been crushing on is like the perfect confluence of events, right? Where I grew up, Pine Tree Mall was basically the only thing to do besides the bowling alley and outdoor activities (and I was never ever outdoorsy). And I know everyone says that about their hometown, but seriously people, you have not been to my hometown. Anyone reading from my hometown will back me up on this. My hometown is charming and safe and friendly, but for the middle school and high school set? There was nothing to do, except get in trouble and I actively avoided that scene.
And up until a few years ago, my love of malls continued. Loved the shopping. Loved the stores. Loved it all. Loved the thrill of it all. But then a funny thing happened, I started to not love it. At first, it was just malls. I could not handle the crowds and the smell of incense from Hot Topic or whatever Goth store is in the mall.
So I started shopping in stand-alone stores which is pretty easy to do in a major city because we do not really have malls anyway. But then I realized that I really did not like the disorganization of displays and not being able to find what I needed. It stresses me out and frustrates me.
It’s a long way from being the girl who used to salivate at the mere mention of Mall of America.
I still love love love shopping. Just prefer to do it from the quiet comfort of my couch on the laptop. Honestly, about 90 percent of my shopping is done online. If Whole Foods would start online shopping and delivery, it would be 100 percent. I love being able to click on the dresses tab of Anthropologie and in an instant have every dress in their inventory right in front of me to compare, contrast, and know if they have my size. There’s no dressing room limits, no lines, no needing to call another store to see if they have my size.
I know a lot of people find online shopping for clothes and shoes difficult. I totally understand but I am incredibly designer and brand loyal so I know my sizes within brands like the back of my hand and can almost tell by looking at the picture online if it is going to work for me or not. I use ShopStyle to flag items I want for sale updates. I make use of free shipping and free return promo codes. And honestly, if it means having to return five packages via mail at the Post Office, that’s five separate errands consolidated into one errand (even if it is one painful errand to the Post Office).
The true irony of this?
I live in one of DC’s premiere shopping neighborhoods. Virtually every store you can imagine is footsteps out of my building’s front door. Shopaholics everywhere are green with envy. And I do pop into them every once in a while. But I have to be in absolutely the right mood: Not annoyed. Not hot or cold. Not hungry. Not tired. And have zero expectations. If these conditions are not met, then I do not even go anywhere near any store. Because it will not end will.
And this applies in particular to bargain stores like TJ Maxx, Filene’s Basement, and Loehmans, the Bargain Triangle (and with Nordstrom Rack opening soon, it will be a Bargain Trapezoid). I LOVE a bargain but wow, these stores are a test (especially the Friendship Heights TJ Maxx and its perpetual wet carpet smell). I think the “have no expectations” rule is particularly important these stores. Because you never know what they may have. And that can be fun sometimes, right?
Last weekend was one of those times.
My sewing class and a few trips to Goodwill to drop off the results of a decluttering spree has had me spending a little more time in the suburbs that I ever do. And you know what the suburbs has? HomeGoods, the housewares/décor version of TJ Maxx. Bedding, kitchen stuff, décor, rugs, furniture, artwork. Super fun!
I happened to be in a perfect mood to actually stop into HomeGoods. Straight from Pilates class, I was relaxed, had eaten a snack, and it was a Friday morning so it was not too crowded. Since I rarely go into these stores, I thought I would have a little fun and take you all shopping with me. So I covertly snapped pictures with my Blackberry and noted the commentary that rolled through my head as I wandered through the store. Are you ready?
Put on your comfy shoes but put your wallet away and come shop with me?
Is it wrong that I like this? The license plate for each state making a map! It is totally not my style and waaaaay too kitschy for me. Yet, sort of love it...in someone else's home. And you can invite me over to look at it.
My first thought when I rounded the corner and saw this seashelled disaster was good gracious, that's hideous! And then I saw the price tag $199.00!!!! Okay, people if you have $200 to spend on a seashelled trunk of horrors , well, I really do not have words...
I. Cannot. Escape. The. Green. Bay. Packers.
If the seashelled trunk of horrors was not in your price range, then perhaps this plastic seat turtle is more your style. But the turtle looks….dead, right?
I really do not think my 450 square feet of living space will be complete until I have this giant boat steering wheel…somewhere.
Even a Princess needs a Time Out! Yes, yes we occasionally do.
What are these tiny frying pans for? The actual pan part is no bigger than the top of a Mason jar.
And last but not certainly not least, what house is complete without a giant giraffe? I think a giant lion would work with my decor more but Erin and Sean, I do believe this will be your housewarming gift from me. Unless you want the seashelled trunk of horrors.
I had a little bit of fun doing this so maybe next time I go shopping in a real store, I will snap some pics!
Note: After I left HomeGoods, I took a wrong turn out of the parking lot (this is not unusual) and I ended up in the White Flint Mall parking lot. Which I knew had an H&M in it. H&M does not have online shopping options and the two other H&Ms in DC give me disorganizational panic attacks so I thought I would brave the mall to see if this one was better. And it was!!! So nice, clean, organized, and not crowded. I was feeling pretty good about the mall, feeling a bit like Rebecca v2005.
And then I walked through a cloud of incense and had to leave immediately. It was nice while it lasted.
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